By Meghan DePonceau
I’ve been Footlocker married
and loved like a dog muzzle.
Just left wondering what brilliant thoughts
ran through the silenced teeth that bit into it.
I’ve been Walmart cheated on
And loved like a losing lottery scratch off
Once in a while, a homeless man will pick me up
Just to check the math and drop me disappointed.
I’ve been Applebees divorced
and loved like the muffler fell off six miles back.
Whenever I hear someone say “I like puzzles”
I glare at them like they are my Rosetta stone
and shout, “run”
Meghan DePonceau left behind her previous careers (as both a ruthless bookie, and the only knight to pull Excalibur from the stone reenactor) to pursue hooch-slinging and giggle-making, and to take on the role as Chief of Butts at 5280Comedy.com. She hosts/produces unCORKED, a monthly comedy show first Wednesdays at Infinite Monkey Theorem. Check out her bad dick jokes on Twitter @MeghanIsAJoke.