By Meghan DePonceau
A Need for Pillows
I put you to bed once,
You were drunk, acting like a child
It wasn’t sexy
You asked me for sex
You begged me for ice cream
The worst part was turning off the lights
You cried “I don’t like sleeping alone”
None of us do.
But instead, I said
“You don’t deserve someone to sleep next to,
if there is only one pillow on your bed”
I rinsed off
I left, I laughed
Your memory is a potato
Top 3 Life Lessons So Far
3. Anything can be a competitive sport if you disappoint your dad enough at it.
2. Abstinence only education doesn’t work, it’s like telling kids not to eat candy. Eventually those kids are gunna figure out how to fuck that candy.
1. If you pretend to have a podcast and ask both drunk guys to explain their positions into your dead cell phone, you can break up any fight at 2 am.
Meghan E. DePonceau left behind her previous careers (as both a ruthless bookie, and the only knight to pull Excalibur from the stone reenactor) to pursue hooch slinging, giggle making, and take on the role as Chief of Butts at 5280Comedy.com. She hosts/produces unCORKED, a monthly comedy show first Wednesdays at Infinite Monkey Theorem. Check out her bad dick jokes on Twitter @MeghanIsAJoke